Why I Hate Pop Culture in the 21st Century

The term "retro" has always applied to me. I've enjoyed quite a few (a lot but certainly not all) pop phenomena up until the mid-nineties. I'm a die hard Police fan; I love the Talking Heads; was really into cartoons growing up (just recently got Voltron on DVD and started reliving my childhood.... yeah yeah, I know, "it's barely over, douche bag."); watched Bruce Lee movies and even listened to Nirvana despite being too young to appreciate them. Hey, let's face it, I'm a generation Y guy.

But what I've come to realize lately is the fact that so many of my fellow generation Yers are stuck in the 60s, 70s and/or 80s. The mid-nineties were great, but once the new millennium came around, pop culture up and died on us. Here's but a bland taste of the proof I offer to all you readers (all two of you): Britany Spears and Lindsay Lohan. Who in the name of Jesus H. Tap Dancing Christ ARE these people? I log on to CNN.com or MSNBC to see what the summer blockbusters are shaping up to be, but what do I get instead? An article about whoever the fuck Lindsay Lohan is getting drunk over Memorial Day weekend and wrecked her Mercedes. I ask again: WHO THE FUCK IS LINDSAY LOHAN?! I read in the article that she's around 20 years old. She's SUPPOSED TO BE CRASHING HER CAR! SHE'S 20 FREAKING YEARS OLD! But again I ask, WHO IS SHE and WHY WOULD ANYONE GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HER?! Maybe being over here in Japan equates to being lost on a desert island, but at least I've heard of Britany Spears.

My one saving grace at a time like this:

"You took me over, take a LOOK at MEEE!" The absolute best performance of "Next to You." The Old Grey Whistle Test was a program in the UK for up and coming bands in the mid-70s. I saw an interview with Stewart Copeland once about this particular show. He said that Sting couldn't get his hairspray can unclogged and accidentally shot himself in the face, temporarily blinding him, just before they were about to go on stage. Sting confirmed Copeland's story in a separate interview and followed up by saying, "I couldn't see a thing! I said to Stewart, 'Hey, lend us your sunglasses!' But his head is just enormous, much bigger than mine - it would be, right? - so his sunglasses covered my entire damn face!" Excellent. Gotta love the Police. Sting could play bass, sing, and wear Stewart Copeland's gigantic shades all while coping with the searing pain of having hairspray burning its way through his corneas.